Gratitude is one of the higher human faculties and it is beyond our immediate five senses – see, smell, taste, hear and touch with which we are born. Many cultures around the world did not practice gratitude in the sense the western world understands and expresses. That is not to say that other cultures and civilisations did not have the concept of gratitude in their everyday living practices. In the Indian Subcontinent we do find direct translation of the phrase ‘Thank you!’; however, they are expressed and applied in different contexts. In Urdu Shukriya and in Sanskritised form it is expressed as Dhanyabad (Bengali/Hindi). ‘Shukriya’ was expressed much elaborately in the courts of Muslim kings and nobles in India prior to the arrival of the British with often a ceremony of giving gifts and bowing down to those in authority to express gratitude. In Bengali which is my mother tongue, it was used in sarcasm if at all. Dhanyabad was expressed in a huff to convey, “Thank you! But no Thank you!” (Ugh!). Culturally speaking gratitude was expressed in everyday living mainly through acts of kindness in return for some benefits received.
My Personal Gratitude Story
As a child, when I started attending a Convent School in India, I was transported to another world, whenever I arrived at the grounds of the school; as it was an entirely different world in those days in which parents sent their children for various reasons.
This convent school was my very first school and what caught my attention almost instantaneously was the way, “Thank You” was being spoken quite often by the Irish nuns throughout the day. It was a new concept and it fascinated my young mind to no end. I noticed the spontaneous smile, the forward tilt of the head and the deep breath one took while letting out that phrase. Everyday common activities were transported to something quite out of this world around this phrase. What was an exclusive expression in bygone days and found only among the elite was being introduced in the everyday lives of those for value and for the well being of all; so it seemed to my young mind! What I noticed was that the other party also reciprocated with a great smile on receiving the favour. I even noticed some younger nuns curtsying to the head of the institution. It meant that I was also expected to learn this and master it to become part and parcel of my own identity! This was a matter of great contemplation in my young and very impressionable mind in those days and I toyed with this idea for days as this was all very alien to me.
As I got dropped off each day to my new school which was simply miles away from home through the car pool which my father and his colleagues organised, my heart would start beating in anticipation of all that would be awaiting for me to learn and grasp on that day. I would take note of the big manicured lawn at the front with flower beds being tended by gardeners and would draw a deep breath as I would step out of the car with others in the car pool.
The smell of ripe mulberries and star fruit always seemed to attract my senses and I would feel a sudden burst of energy while walking across to my classroom. There were old large fruit bearing trees behind the main building and what a joy it was to walk past them! It reminded me of my grandfather’s fruit trees back home!
I would be filled with the joy of freedom in my being and a sense of huge gladness would envelop me. I would pick up the ripe juicy mulberries from the ground with my classmates not feeling any guilt and we practised our “thank you” with one another as we shared our hand-picked fruit in our little palms, practising our “Thank you!” with one another as we shared with one another. Looking back I realise we were being indoctrinated into a new culture which filled me with all kinds of feelings of excitement and anticipation – Oh my God! What next!
What made me different to most other children was I always wanted to try out and act upon what I learnt. So it was not unusual for me to get into trouble in a society where we were meant to be just seen and almost never heard!
You really have to hold your breath for what comes next!
One fine afternoon as I was getting dropped off by a doctor friend of my father’s, I suddenly opened my mouth and said, “Thank you!” to him. The car stopped outside our home in the doctors’ colony where we lived and he got out of the car to open the boot of the car as there were no remote opening device back then in the sixties! This gentleman whom I called Uncle, pulled open the boot cover, picked up my school bag and gave it to me. I said, “Thank you, Uncle!” He looked at me strangely, and said, “What did you say?”. Already very nervous, I looked down at the ground and said very slowly, “Thank you!” my voice dropping to a mere whisper but loud enough for him to catch the words that came out of my mouth. He let out a loud guffaw and chuckling loudly he jumped into the driver’s seat and slammed his door. I next saw him leaning across to his wife and saying something close to his wife’s ears. He then sped off in a cloud of smoke while I stood there feeling guilty and ashamed; worse still I did not know then what I had done wrong. I knew for sure that I had overstepped the mark! I did feel then at that moment for sure the vast void between what I learnt at that school and the world that I lived in. I sighed with sadness and I slowly lifted the latch of our garden gate with my head hung low in shame.
“Thank you!” an expression of gratitude to my mind was good and worth cultivating; even a must in order to be educated. This was drilled by those dear nuns who I remember to this day. In fact it was more important to understand the significance of expressed gratitude and apply it daily on every occasion whenever possible, than getting good grades for our knowledge of our class curriculum in our primary school years. The understanding of this concept went deep in our hearts and transformed our entire beings as we grew up in that educational environment. It also slowly and surely separated me from the rest of my family for sure for I took learning and application too seriously.
Now this Uncle of mine whom I mentioned above was a UK returned and qualified doctor as my father was. Not only that, he had lived in the UK for many years where he and his wife raised their young family. They had already become talk of the town for their westernised ways and gossip was going around that they were even into ballroom dancing. This was in the early sixties in a small town in Bihar! There was more to come my way….
Dinner table conversations at home could be very uncomfortable as it was generally one way conversations in which my Dad was in charge. The next night I saw my father looking quizzically at me across the dinner table. My back stiffened in fear and anticipation of what was coming across me. I felt I had become half the size and I had an urge to disappear under the table. Finally my father broke the uneasy silence and informed me that I had become the talk of his entire department of academics. He informed that all his colleagues were discussing me and laughing at my behaviour because I had said, “Thank you!” to an older person. I had dared to open my mouth to speak to an adult! My father shook his head in despair at me and then silently started eating his dinner. My mother sitting next to him obviously had been informed about this terrible incident which took place outside right in front of our house. Thank goodness there was nobody else around!
Gratitude is an alien concept among Bengalis and several other Indians I have encountered. But there is much more to gratitude than one can ever imagine. Practicing Gratitude changes one’s world and makes it much more worth living. It takes us beyond what our educational achievements or careers can give us if we are desiring peace and happiness in our lives. As years rolled by I never ever said “thank you” to any other Bengali friends or relatives but I believe my body language couldn’t help but exude this deep feeling that was instilled into my heart by my educational environment.
Gratitude or thankfulness is worth pursuing – we can keep pursuing it without stopping and it is sure to open an entirely new world in us. For this I am grateful to my current teacher Bob Proctor. In order to listen further on this topic I would encourage my readers to open the following link and read on gratitude: https://www.proctorgallagherinstitute.com/6207/how-an-attitude-of-gratitude-changes-everything
May God bless us all!
© – Christine Chhanda Mukherjee COPYRIGHT 2020, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
World Without Walls 
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